MY DESIRE

I thought of you whenever I was alone,

I wonder how I cope up with my loneliness,

I know you can hear me,

Then tell me why did you leave me?

What I did, what was my fault,

Why am I suffering your loss,

Which I don't deserve?

The day still haunts me to not to find you around.

I thought you would be back in an hour,

After an hour I thought you would be back by night,

Or by next day or within a couple of days.

I waited at the door,

Days turned into years.

I grew up to find myself in solitude.

I still have a vague picture of yours,

That pretty face, that wet long black hair,

Your smile at all the silly timid things I did,

Your white conch bangles touching my forehead,

Your way of saying baba,

 that you loved me more than him.

These thoughts are not enough to make me happy,

I miss your physical existence the most.

I walk, I talk, I do things as if

Nothing is wrong with me,

I am happy and content.

I keep myself busy whenever I am left with nothing to do,

I take up my friend's work to keep myself occupied,

You know why?

I know the moment I am alone,

My desire of not being able to see you

And feel you anymore will haunt me.

At times I feel like screaming and crying out,

To outburst the pain I hold in my heart.

I always lean over the same window,

Where you used to sit me on your lap,

The window is still there, so am I,

But I am missing your warmth, your love.

Mother, I miss you,

I love you,

I still remember you.

I don't know whether I will ever get to meet you or not.

I wish my feelings, my thoughts were strong enough

To bring you back to me.

Mother come back home,

I miss you a lot.

PIYALI GUHA